Approved In Every Way

Time flies so fast! Already at the 2nd last month of 2009. This month is going to be a very "interesting" month. I can't say it's an exciting though there are a few things which is really exciting are going to take place. Grandma's 100 days of memorial observation will end on 22 Nov ~ same day as my graduation from TSOA... I still miss her a lot. She still feels so close at times, i really wish she is still here. Thereafter the memorial observation, the most exciting thing which i have waited for my whole life, and which i am willing to substitute my life with, is going to take place *since it hasn't happen yet, i will not blog about it first:-)*

Last Sunday, i've finally gather every ounce of my courage to tell dad about my plans to work in KK next year. I didn't mention about working in a church at first but the next moment after i finished the sentence he already asked whether am i working with church as if he really knows beforehand. Sometimes, he really knows my heart, what i'm thinking... quite scary... but that's dad. He is still silent about it for these few days, but this time i don't think he is angry... at least he sms-ed me yesterday:-) Dad and mom are going to meet Pastor Serena this weekend. Do keep me in prayer that all will go well.

2 weeks more to my graduation from TSOA. There are so many people that i will miss and so many experiences i will treasure. I wish time could stop now:,( On Monday, we started to learn our graduation song. The song is called Approved In Every Way, written by Pastor Ng Wah Lock 16 years ago. This is the first time i hear the song and it really spoke to me deeply at this season i'm at. Listen the song yourself and go through every single line of the lyrics. At the end of the day when i meet Jesus, my desire is to be a servant who is approved in every way by Him.



I want to be Your servant Lord
To serve You each and every day
I want to give my best to You
Approved in every way

Make my life a living sacrifice
The way You want me to be
To serve You with all my heart
Whatever the cost to me
Take me, break me, mould me Lord
As the potter shaped the clay
Pleasing You in all I do
Approved in every way

I’ll stand before You righteous throne
To hear “Thou good and faithful one”
“Well done!” from the Master’s lips
Approved in every way

Discerning The Will of God

Rainbow captured while on the way home from work on Thursday... reminds me of God's covenant

Pastor began a series of teaching on Discerning The Will of God from Pastor Benny Ho's book for CSZ today. It is very timely in the season i'm facing now. I gained a lot of insights from The Principle of Living Life which is like this... Live life first, and as we live, stuff happens. Events begin to accumulate and all sorts of things will begin to happen - good, bad, ordinary. When enough events have accumulated, they pushes us to realize that things cannot remain as it is. Changes need to take place, some decisions need to be taken. Then we reach a listening point. So many things have happened that we come to a point where we have to listen to God. If we make the correct response at the listening point, it becomes for us a call and we move on to the next thing that God is calling us into. But if we don't respond correctly at this point, we can go on a detour - wilderness experience. However, God is good. If we are in this detour, God will, in His mercy and grace bring us back to another listening point. How do we recognize God's call? Our soul is awaken, suddenly we realize that this is what we are supposed to do. When our soul is awakened, we begin to experience God's pleasure in our lives even though circumstances might not become better.

The teaching made me think a lot and that's why i can't sleep. I’m at the listening point now… should I go or should I stay?

P.S.: Blessed birthday che! Hope you'll have a great 1st birthday celebration with your husband:-)

Mission Trip to Medan, Indonesia (25 Sept – 2 Oct)

8 days Mission Trip in Indonesia was AWESOME! It was the richest moment in my life, spiritually and also materially as I had IDR541,000, 6 figure amount of money;-) We arrived at Polonia International Airport, Medan and took a 5 hours bus and 30 minutes ferry ride to reach the first stay in place, Toledo Inn at Samosir Island, Lake Toba. The scenery is very beautiful. Lake Toba is a natural lake caused by the eruption of volcano thousand years ago. It is really huge, the waters are choppy, with waves hitting the lake side, it is like a sea to me instead of a lake, makes me marveled at God’s creation. Thank God that there isn’t a stay in place at our mission ground, Pematang Siantar which is 1 hour bus journey away or else I wouldn’t get to enjoy such beautiful sceneries surrounding Lake Toba, a good breakaway from the city life. Though it was a long and tiring journey everyday, to and fro, but I savor every minute of it doing reflections and fellowshipping in the bus as we seldom have the time to get to know one another during classes.

Staying at Danau Toba Cottages has cut down the ferry journey time. It's no joke to sit on the ferry at midnight when we are going back to rest as it is really cold, much more cooler than Genting! On the last night of Miracle Healing Rally, an earthquake strucked Padang, 400km away from Pematang Siantar. We were busy preparing for the rally when it happened. We didn't feel anything but the tremors could be felt in Medan and even as far as Malaysia and Singapore. After the rally ended, there were many miss calls and smses concerning my wellbeing there. Thanks all for concern, affirms me that my life has been well-lived and treasured. Can't imagine if it had happened at our mission ground. The tv stations Indonesia were showing the situation at Padang every hour, everyday of the latest updates. The news they broadcasted there were much more detailed than what we can read in newspapers or watch on tv here... really sad and devastating! Once again, it draws me to think of how I have lived my life and what I want to be remembered for? What legacies do I want to leave behind? It was truly God’s grace that has kept us safe throughout the mission trip.

The whole mission trip has been a time of refreshing and rekindle my passion for God. September has been a hard month for me to cope emotionally and spiritually. At first, don't feel like going but as i've paid and everything has been settled, it wouldn't be good to pull out last minute and of course a waste of money. Thank God i didn't follow the flesh else i would have missed out learning so many things during the mission trip:

1. God can only pour new things into our life when we are willing to pour out our lives. 1 month "sabbatical" leave didn't make me feel good after all. It is indeed more blessed to give than to receive.

2. Ministry => People => Needs. If we want to be effective in ministry, we must be close to their needs, connecting with them.

3. Inspect what you expect, there are no short cuts.

4. When we don't take the first step or be in motion for God, God will not lead.

5. God answered my prayer when i asked Him why do i still hang on with discouragements coming one after another in the month of September and He answered it ever clearly then before during Revival Meeting, the 2nd last day of mission trip with Romans 1:14-17... I'm hanging on because i'm indebted to Christ for all i am today, i am indebted to those who hasn't heard about the gospel because hell is so real and eternal. God forgive me for focusing on i, me and myself!

Lastly, i'm more and more molded to face last minute changes now:-)

In Indonesia now

I have arrived safely in Indonesia, 1 hour of flight but 5 hours of bus ride and 35 minutes of ferry to reach the first stay-in place, Toledo Inn, Lake Toba. It's such a beautiful place here!!! feels like holiday for now... hahaha... thank God for his arrangement that we can't get a place to stay in mission ground so i got the opportunity to stay here. Will be checking out tomorrow to the land called Parapat which is just 35 minutes ferry ride away. Trip has been great and will be greater!!! will post up more when i have the chance. Miss everything back home!!!!!!!! 6 more days to go... ciaoz:-)

Expectation

Will be leaving to Medan for mission trip in 8 hours... still packing up at this time besides dusting off my blog:-) Am expecting greater things from God in Medan, out of my comfort zone... i will be missing many people for a week... dad, mom, sis, kor (whom i didn't get to see for the pass few weeks), pastor noah, florence, gianna, lydia and everyone in Youth Aflame and also friends from various ages and places who has wished me a safe trip... pray for me as i'm going to this new land to experience the greater things! *i hope they have kek keju in Medan*... hehe... see you in 2 weeks time!

Searching and fixing

Grandma left on 5th September night and laid to rest in Nilai Memorial Park, the same place where Shawn is. It has been a tough week, and another tough week ahead, failed to meet mission trip sermon dateline and so am still thinking what to preach, mind is blank... exam on Monday and not prepare at all, didn't get to study for the pass few weeks and now don't have the motivation to study, never felt this way before. Yesterday was the first Friday without grandma around, the arm chair she always sit is empty, less one bowl and pair of chopsticks on the dining table... it feels awkward. Kept thinking if i could turn back time, things might be different.

Was looking back at my journal and came pass this entry on 25.03.07. There's no record of who wrote this to me but it speaks significantly to me now...
"The body asks the heart, if I am in pain the doctor will cure me, but if you are in pain, who is going to cure you? The heart replies, only I can cure myself. Maybe that's why, every person has their own way of healing the pain in their hearts. Drinking, singing, throwing tantrum, crying, laughing, talking to a friend, shopping, travelling, running a marathon. The worst thing to do is to ignore the pain in the heart"

I am reminded once again not to ignore the feelings in my heart and so i'm in the process of searching and fixing it.

P.S.: For those who sms, FB message, asked, drop by during grandma's funeral and gave a love gift, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It spoke volumes to me to know there are people who care.

Praying for grandma

Grandma was admitted to HUKM this afternoon. Her condition is not good. She had a heart attack and doctors detected signs of heart and kidney failure so they couldn't give her any medication prescription for now. Grandma was fine when i met her the previous Friday. She was eating well and playing mahjung. Last Friday didn't get to see her because i went for prayer meeting... regretted that i went... for the past half a year have been faithfully allocating Friday to spend time with her but i changed my mind last Friday cause it was an overnight prayer meeting and now grandma is in hospital. Grandma is 80+ years old... no one knows her age exactly because her birth date was registered late. Some said she might be 82, but grandma would say she is much older... i think she exaggerated it cause she don't look that old and she has always been healthy, can play mahjung from morning til night. But because i know she's very old... her days are numbered, so really want to spend time with her at least once a week on Friday when everyone gathers for dinner. I don't want to have regrets in life... like how i regretted when Shawn went "home". Inability to drive and walk properly at this time really frustrates me. I can't go into hospital to visit grandma, only can hear the news from dad and mom. Tomorrow morning need to see "sinseh" to remove bandage. Hope feet will be ok tomorrow. Pray that grandma will be fine...

Frustration

The plans that i have laid out 1 month before the Merdeka weekend is crushed... because of an accident on Wednesday night which somehow injured my toe, making it swollen, walking is a challenge, driving is impossible... and i have to cancel all the plans to meet up friends, bible study, shopping, movie, jogging... and grounded at home, can't even go to church. It is indeed frustrated to spend a long awaited holiday weekend at home!!!

Hang on!

I would have lied if i said i never felt like quitting youth ministry. I have felt it many times and I’m sure it’ll come again in the future. But each time there’s been a couple things holding me back. Among some of the reasons why I’m still in ministry despite discouragement from the inside and outside:

1. Confidence in God’s calling on my life.
2. Knowing that the greatest rewards are often on the other side of the greatest trials.
3. What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger.
4. Working with sinful people is always messy... of which I am the worst.
5. I know the enemy wants me out.

So, let's hang on together!

P.S.: Thanks Yee Ling for your sms. You have no idea how much it meant to me despite the junks and discouragements for the past few months and the uncertainty season i am in now. Thank you God! You sure work in miraculous ways by sending the "least" person i can think of:-)

At the crossroad

I never like crossroads in life. I tend to worry, stress out and have imsomnia during this phase. The feeling of uncertainty makes me insecure. Part of me wanted to take the easier, secure and "less persecution" road but part of me know that i'll be missing something great with regrets in life. It is especially during this time God seems to be silent, or perhaps i didn't knock hard enough, or it isn't the time for me to know yet or God is instilling more patience in me... i need to refocus my eyes on Him again. I need to hear from God myself, not through other people anymore. As Rev. Jan Nel said, "great leader has the ability to hear God for themselves and then for others". I'm always amazed at how men and women after God's heart who are so sure what God is speaking in a particular season in their life. I am sure they too have went through the same phase as me. Oh God, let me set my affection on You and the destiny You have prepared. I will not take the next move until I have heard Your voice.